One Thirty Six P.M.

Tilted afternoon. My day has sang its tune
where I woke up with the sun
I fall to sleep with joints that ache
Ive laid my head down and I haven't been able to sleep. My head hurts and my body aches. I just want to fall asleep.I will not make it to my meetings. I will not make it on my field trip. The only place I will make it to is on the other side of my eyelids. And I hope that comes soon. I don't feel good.

Nope I really don't feel good at all.

But I will be okay.
This too shall pass

Eleven twenty eight A.M.

As time ticks by - I feel more tired and icky inside. My head aches on the sides. I'm starting to not feel to great. My joints are once again aching. I will take some tylenol and lay back down.

Nine-O-Five A.M.

Ate a big meal and Did my shot a little bit ago. So now I am 1/4 of the way done with my treatment!! Only 36 more shots to go

Since I have a long day, and I'm starting to feel tired already, I am going to lay down and rest for a few and then get back up and move on with the day. I'm pretty sure this is the most responsible thing to do instead of pushing myself through the night and then being laid up for a few more days because I over did it

(But I really don't have to do anything and I could still end up in bed for the next couple days)

Unclogging the Fog

Three Twenty Seven A.M.

Coming out of a deep fog and feeling a little better. It seems as I have a little energy so I am taking advantage of it. It's 3:30 am on friday morning and I am at the computer, out of my room, doing this and doing that. I have had my sleep and I have had my dreams. What I haven't had is the energy to do do anything else but look into my dreams and say hello to my pillow since tuesday.

It is a warm feeling being able to do something else. being able to do anything.This is the first time in "DAYS" that I haven't felt so physically exhausted and completely fatigued. Finally, I am able to move about without that over all heavy cement feeling within.

It feels so great to move more than 10 feet without that feeling. I had no Idea how much just moving about can mean to my smile in my soul. Actually I do know, but Once you find that you have trouble just doing the smallest of things and then you do those things that you couldn't do, boy does it bring a smile of sunshine within. SO I am taking advantage and I am breathing in these moments in front of me. I still can't get over at how exhausting everything can be. Unbelieveable until you have to go through it.

I don't know how long I will feel this way. I am on the hesitant side just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today is my shot day. This will be shot #12. Its hard to believe I will be coming up soon on 3 months of this treatment. If I continue to have the support that I have had I will make it. It sure is good to know that I have friends that are understanding and caring.

The only thing that has gotten me down is the lack of energy that I have and that I can't do things with others sometimes, and I have to break plans, or when I do make plans I have to tell people that I can't or might not be able to make it a for sure. And then I have to ask my friends to try to understand that its nothing personal. Its my treatment I am on. But so far I am surviving and breathing and doing. It's not easy but sometimes you have to go through the rain to see the rainbow.