Unclogging the Fog

Three Twenty Seven A.M.

Coming out of a deep fog and feeling a little better. It seems as I have a little energy so I am taking advantage of it. It's 3:30 am on friday morning and I am at the computer, out of my room, doing this and doing that. I have had my sleep and I have had my dreams. What I haven't had is the energy to do do anything else but look into my dreams and say hello to my pillow since tuesday.

It is a warm feeling being able to do something else. being able to do anything.This is the first time in "DAYS" that I haven't felt so physically exhausted and completely fatigued. Finally, I am able to move about without that over all heavy cement feeling within.

It feels so great to move more than 10 feet without that feeling. I had no Idea how much just moving about can mean to my smile in my soul. Actually I do know, but Once you find that you have trouble just doing the smallest of things and then you do those things that you couldn't do, boy does it bring a smile of sunshine within. SO I am taking advantage and I am breathing in these moments in front of me. I still can't get over at how exhausting everything can be. Unbelieveable until you have to go through it.

I don't know how long I will feel this way. I am on the hesitant side just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today is my shot day. This will be shot #12. Its hard to believe I will be coming up soon on 3 months of this treatment. If I continue to have the support that I have had I will make it. It sure is good to know that I have friends that are understanding and caring.

The only thing that has gotten me down is the lack of energy that I have and that I can't do things with others sometimes, and I have to break plans, or when I do make plans I have to tell people that I can't or might not be able to make it a for sure. And then I have to ask my friends to try to understand that its nothing personal. Its my treatment I am on. But so far I am surviving and breathing and doing. It's not easy but sometimes you have to go through the rain to see the rainbow.