I'm out for the count.

Tired and I feel what I put myself thru today.

It sure doesn't seem like much, but to me it feels like I moved mountains. I can go to bed knowing I did something. It wasn't alot but small steps repeated can complete any undertaking. And my undertaking was to get thru and DO today. And I'm exhausted. I really want to go to tonights meeting but when I dropped off spencer and even on the drive back here I was beginning to feel Yuck again. And I am feeling complete fatigue and my mind is tired and I am feeling worn. I feel it is a smart idea to just stop for the day. Literally come to a hault and end my day here. I have done enough and I can not push myself anymore. Really, I can't do anymore.

So I will take a couple tylenol and bring drinking water to bed, put in a movie and pass out for the evening. My goal is just to sleep thru the night so I can start fresh tomorrow.

I'm already feeling a headache splash the insides of my mind. I better stop writing cause all I am doing is pushing myself more.

And I can't.

I just can't.

So I have traveled farther than my bathroom and even have made it outside for a minute or two. I have taped a few shows that I haven't watched for the last week and have now just completed watching those. I even picked up all the garbage of wrappers and a few plates that has accumulated over the last week around my bed. Its amazing what you don't see when the lights are out for so long. It wouldn't of mattered anyhow, I knew it was there and I just had no strength to do anything about it.

I've been up for a few hours now, actually since 9:30 last night. If your wondering its 11am now. Not an extreme amount of hours, but I feel it. I need to lay down for a bit then I will try to get back up. But I think I've done something today which is more than I can say for the last many days.

--------------------------------------------------------


11:30

Just got a call from spencer and he is at his moms' in Eden Prarie. He needs to get home and I have decided to go get him before I go take a nap. I figure it's best since I do not know how I will feel when I arise this afternoon and I do not want to say I will pick him up later when I do not know how I will feel then.

He's squad leader for tonights meeting too. I want to make it there tonight but my track record has been poor lately and I'm just making it through the day today. So i am going to go out there-pick him up- drop him off then come back home and take a nap. Better to do it now when I am somewhat feeling okay then to say I will pick him up later and just feel like crap and am too tired.

Lack of energy..

You know I've been tired if I can't even make it to my computer to sit on my lazy ass and write down what I'm doing. This is how It's been for me almost coming up on a week. I just do not have any energy. My bed has been my abode and I am getting sick of it. I'm going to force myself to move about today. I just have to. But I am so T-I-R-E-D and exhausted. Its sooooooo Hard.....

Threw my telephone to the side and haven't checked it since wednesday. Just left it turned off. Either I'm sleeping or Its odd hours and I haven't felt good and would rather just leave conversations be (Especially when I am feeling like this). I would rather just get better and then speak to others. When I feel sick or am just really exhaustingly tired like this I really don't like to be around others. I'm really a baby when I'm sick.

I haven't felt good and now I think I don't feel good cause I haven't felt good. Bring your body and your mind follows and my body aches and is exhaustingly tired. So how do you think my mind feels...About the same and it sucks.

But I'm not down and depressed or anything, just really tired and exhausted.

And very exhausted from being tired

And just plain worn....

I can't believe how much fatigue I feel.

Oh well, on the positive I'm one day closer to finishing this treatment and my Labs show negative for Hepatitis C.

And I say my treatment better be doing something for the amount of crap I have to go through