Just when I feel Okay...

I just got done giving myself my 4th injection. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I get 4 pre-filled needles per prescription. And since I just got done with my 4th injection, I can throw away that box. Only 11 more boxes to go!! With my injection this time I was slightly hesitant. That point where you have to jab yourself, that second before you have to break through your skin, can be mind boggling. Of course there is nothing to it but to do it, and after its done, it wasn't that bad.

Being an ex-junky, my experience with needles is different than What I am injecting myself now. And the reaction time is a lot longer than I am used to. Though it has been over 45 months since I last shot up drugs, I kind of still expect when I pull that needle out of my skin some sort of feeling going through my body. And when I don't, I feel a little weird, Kind of in my mind headache sick, But I know that is all in my head and I know that I am doing something different theses days.

The reaction time I have noticed comes from in about 1 hour or more, I will feel a little tired, sore muscles, and maybe a head ache to 8 hours I am sick and tired,fatigued, joints sometimes hurt to a couple days of off and on extreme fatigue, maybe a headache, FATIGUE, and yuckiness with a scoop of tiredness, and a side order of sweat and chills. and then after a few days FATIGUE. If you have been reading my blog then you can see some sort of pattern happening.

I love it when people ask me what I am going to be doing tomorrow and I just straight out tell them, "I'm going to be sick." They aren't quite sure how to react unless they know that I am serious and just what kind of treatment I am on. Oh well.

One of my meetings tonight was on self pity. This is something that I need to be cautious of. Woe is me - self pity. Its very hard to feel sick and tired and not be affected by this mood. But thats why life is progress not perfection. I have a lot of people who care about me and want to see me get better. I had one friend say to me tonight that I looked great, and not to be egotistical, but I do, on the outside. But inside is a different story somedays and its not like you can see some lump growing out of my neck. But this evening I did feel alright, Even quite great with a sprinkle of fantastic. She couldn't see me hiding my shaky hands, my constant irritation about the littlest of things, and my foggy mind. These are mostly inside feelings. But I can tell you that in a few hours from now, I won't be feeling so hot.

But thats Hepatitis C. And thats the treatment I am on. I may look alright on the outside, but on the inside I am just making it by sometimes-somedays. And wouldn't you know it, just when I was starting to feel a little better, and for some reason this was a long week of not feeling too good. I started to finally get a little better yesterday, then Today I was feeling much better, and guess what? ....I now get to do it all over and be sick again!!! But this isn't forever, and 48 weeks plus however long it takes to get back to normal, is just a second in the grand scheme of things.

Atleast I know I'm doing something positive with my life and I am grateful to even be given this 40% chance of a cure. It could be worse, what if it was only 39% curable? Holy Fuck!! what would I do then?!???

Down for the count and happily sick (cause that means I might just be killing the virus!!)

Shot Day #4

Tonight I will do my shot. I have already been out and done my labs. They need to record my blood to make sure I'm not too low on some important parts. I have my 2 meetings tonight, CMA and then AA. After that I will drive Spencer down to His mom's in eden prarie. I'm feeling irritated at every little thing. I'm saying the serenity prayer for everything and taking big breaths and counting to 1 million. This is a side effect of the ribavirin-so I am told. And so I am just remembering that this too shall pass.

I'm just starting to feel better and I get to be sick again...Don't you just love this treatment?!?

Wusau!!