10:00am (injection shot taken)

It was my first time doing my injection of the interferon today. I just got done. Let me tell you I do not like that at all. No, I'm not scared of needles, I wish. What I am is a recovering needle junkie who has 45 months sober today and what am I doing with myself. I am using needles. When I was using, I lived my life around needles, I breathed and slept needles. Now when I finally get into sobriety, I know what I need to do to stay sober and that is not only change my friends and my places I hung out with, but I have changed my whole thinking. And having these needles in my presence has been not easy. I am trying to have a different outlook on it, but my mind keeps going back to those times that I used shooting up. For Gods Sake, I have needles sitting in my refrigerator, and I just got done giving myself an injection. Push the plunger to its proper dosage, stick it in your skin and push the plunger in. That is what I used to fucking do every fucking day, And now I am doing it again.

Whew!! I really needed to get that off my chest. I feel better now. I know why I am doing this and I will be alright. There is nothing that will take me back to using again, but it sure frustrates me sometimes.