Four Fifty Nine A.M.

Tired with Fatigue

Awake from No Sleep


Stayed awake and worked really hard to not sleep yesterday afternoon. I went to my evening meeting and then got home and let my eyes rock themsleves to sleep. That was easy, I was exhausted and ready. But then I kept waking up about every hour and then every 2 hours. Finally at 4 am, I knew I wasn't going to sleep anymore. So here I am.

I decided not to fight it. Why, it wouldn't help. It would just give me another hour of being in bed with my head on the pillow. But with my eyes wide awake that can be annoying.

I have a P.O. meeting today and this morning I am driving Spencer to an appointment for a school he might be attending. I am hoping that I can change my appointment for my P.O. to this morning while spencer is at his. Then this afternoon - when My fatigue WILL set in again - And it certainly will, then I can take a nap.

I'm afraid my P.O. is going to look at me and think I have been using. I'm not in tip top shape and have the look of a dead man from this treatment I'm undergoing. Then I am afraid that I will have to take a piss test and my medication that I am on for this Hepatitis C will cause a postitve pee test. I know this is all in my head. But I have to get it out. Stupid thinking can cause insane thoughts.

I am doing great in my recovery. I am coming up on 4 years soon...She even asked me to bring her literature about our Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings.


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Talked to my P.O. and she said its fine if i come in this morning. Thats just perfect cause if my past is any example, I will be dead by this afternoon.