Welcome To My "HEP C" Life

Have I been a Bad Boy?

2007-02-05T15:30:00.000-08:00

A big apology and a huge thank you for all of your thoughtfilled concerns on how I am doing. I have been extremely busy since I started school and have truly had no time to do anything but school - meetings - homework - and just look at my emails.
I haven't even been able to get back to anyone cause of my schedule.

Then in the last month I have been blessed to get into a relationship. and with that relationship comes 3 beautiful children. And in the last week I picked up a job that will be part time. It is something in the art field, somthing that I am going to school for. This is a great opportunity and great practice.Only a little bit of hours each week. Balance is crucial to me. I understand I need it and with that comes rest. It sounds like my plate is full, and it sure is, but it full of good things and the plate is yummy with positive energy taht brings a smile to my soul.

I am doing good iun school. I am so glad that I took the chance to go back. The laying around and doing nothing for my 1st 3 months of treatment was good at the time and needed, but I NEEDED to go back to doing life. I now don't have time to think about how yucky I feel and how tired I am. I just move through it and go on. Laying around all day and doing nothing gave me time to think about how sick I felt and in turn that made me even sicker. That isn't good for the body to be like that.

I am on week 20 of my treatment. I have seen my nurse and she is amazed at my results. Being Genotyope 1b and the amount that my viral load was before treatment, she is amazed at how quickly I responded to the medicine. I AM A NEGATIVE for hep c!! God bless the doctors for coming up with a treatment. I am now at 230 lbs - which means that I have lost a total of 30 pounds since this summer. Its been a healthy loss so that is good. I do get the aches and the pains - the headaches and the tiredness - but I know what to do and I know why I am feeling that way so I just accept it.

I am trying truly to keep in touch, but I have so much other stuff. But I will continue to write and I just want you to all know That I am okay, I do have my days, but I am Living with a smile inside my mind, in my heart and in my soul....

Coloring My Day With Sunshine

2007-01-08T04:50:00.000-08:00

lifted into a new way of living. Growing. smiling. moving forward. Taking on the day. Getting through the tiredness. the fatigue and the exhaustion.

I had a crappy night of sleep. Only one hour and then I was up again. I am up for school and then I will get some rest after I get home.

My muscles and joints have hungered with aches, but I have subsided those feelings with a few tylenol.

All in All, I am a smile of sunshine on this brisk winter day. What other way do I have to face the morning? with a frown of disgust? I don't think so.

Attitude of Gratitude...

Shot DaY #16

2007-01-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

Life has beauty everywhere
so where are you focusing your vision on today?
I seek to look past the garbage
One mans garbage is anothers' treasure
And I see the treasure in the dirt
The sun is always shining on the other side of the clouds
Positive optimism Will change your attitude
All action is born in thought
And I am thinking with a smile

My 16th shot has been taken. I am 1/3rd of the way through with this beautiful treatment.

I am off to my meetings

A tired Happy Soul

2007-01-04T01:23:00.000-08:00

Its been fun. Rough. Exuberant. Energetic. Rewarding and tiring going back to school. But I am so far keeping a steady balance of it all. So hard to get back in the swing of things yet so eager to as well.

My classes are mondays and wednesday 8:25-10:25am
and Tuesdays and thursdays 1-2:25pm

Had another follow up with my Hep C nurse. Things are still showing negative. I had a count of over 2 million in my viral load and then after only 1 month it showed negative. and now after 3 months it is still showing that same sign. I get a gold star for that don't I?

Actually I couldn't do this all without the love of my parents and friends, my meetings that I go to that help me with balance and my higher power.

Now with school going on and with everything else, it's been hard to get on here to blog my days. So if I miss a day it's just becausxe of my schedule and when that is all done, All i want to do is lay down...

First Day Back To School!!

2007-01-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

Off to school to learn some Edu-ma-cation. Can't wait to balance this into my life. Been doing nothing for so long that its definately affected my health.

I wake up sore and tired.
But I go on.
I grab a cup of coffee and go on.
I walk around and prepare for my day.
and I go on.
I smile and I focus what I can do with my day.
And I am going on

Shot DaY #15

2006-12-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

Today I do my 15th shot!!

I also have my meetings tonight along with my weekly field trip to eden prarie. I feel good today and my health is just fine. This is great because this is my 4 years of sobriety today!! I can make it to my meeting to get my medallion. I am so grateful to be sober as well as healthy enough to go up to my meeting and enjoy this day with my friends who have been with me on this incredible journey. I was a little worried about if I was going to feel okay today, But so far so good.

Wednesday night thursday One Twenty A.M.

2006-12-27T23:21:00.000-08:00

filled my day with accomplishments. a sprinkle of productivity and one or two goals got completed.

Now I am able to lay my head down and fall deep within my tiredness. I have been up all day. which is a positive for me. But what is more wonderful is that the only pain I feel is the slight ache in the joints and a whisper of exhaustion within my soul. All will fall away once I put to rest my weary eyes and lay my sleep out to say hello to my dreams.

Goodnight....

Pee Ess:
I got my books today for school. I will be starting next tuesday. Can't wait to get back. scared and frightened but turning over those fears. I will take it one day at a time. Thats all that I can do. Take it as it comes and prepare the best that I can to deal with my health and handle all the studying and the schooling.

I will do what is in front of me and then
I will leave the results up to the my higher power.

2006-12-26T21:20:00.000-08:00

Drawing done in Illustrator

worn out from being too tired cause I'm so fatigued within my soul.

It sucks only having some energy for about an hour and then I have to drag myself the rest of the time. Oh well.....I did another day

and it was a long drawn out day...

I'm pooped out.

I'm tired.

But I am one day closer to being off treatment....

God I can't wait!!!! It is really tiring being tired all the time.

And exhaustion is very exhausting to go through...

Two Thirty Six P.M.

2006-12-25T12:36:00.000-08:00

Merry xmas!! And what do I have to be grateful for? not feeling like shit, thats what.

I had an over all good morning and afternoon. I have felt so yuck lately. I hardly have wrote anything on my blog as you can notice. I wish all a merry holiday and may your day be filled with gifts of warmth to all of you.

I have a meeting tonight and I think I will be in proper feeling good attitude to make it.

2006-12-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

I feel very nauseous

under the covers

2006-12-22T12:33:00.000-08:00

still not felling too well. I will not be going out tonight.My sleep has been sporadic and when I finally do get to sleep it is only for an hour at a time.

One Fourty A.M.

2006-12-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

been tired.
been worn out.
been exhausted.
been out of it.

Atleast I've been something....

starting to feel a little better. Today is my 14th shot. I can't believe I haven't written anything since monday. It is now friday and the week has flown by. I hope to feel up to going to my meetings tonight.

Feelings of nausea have surfaced. I can't seem to get the feeling out of my head. And speaking of my head, the aches have started to heat up on the sides of my mind. This is always a sign that I am about to be saying hello to a headache.

2006-12-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Tired but going on.
Exhausted but moving on.
Went out to Old country buffet today - my parents and I took spencer there for his 30th birthday.
I have a meeting tonight.
Nothing too extreme of a day, I guess that is good.

Tuckered Out

2006-12-17T13:14:00.000-08:00

I walk around the house and feel so very tired. I try to fall back to sleep but my dreams seem to not want me around.
So I am just being lazy and keeping my blankets warm.

I will be going down to pick up spencer in a lil' bit here. Can't wait to get back home and say hello to my blanket of dreams

Saturday Night Six Fifty

2006-12-16T16:49:00.000-08:00

My day was filled with sleep. Then as I woke up late this afternoon, I cleaned the kitchen and the entry way by wiping the floors and doing the dishes. Got my shows all watched.

Side effects:

Upset stomach and tired

Four Twenty P.M.

2006-12-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

Disciplining myself to do a couple of things a day that will keep me in the momentum of that positive flowing stream within. And that is allowing me to live in the smile of today. I will be starting school next month again and I am making sure that Each day I direct my thoughts towards learning. I set aside a couple hours a day and push my brain into that thinking mode. I need to excercise those muscles and I do not want them to be all flabby once I begin school, cause I know what a pounding it is on the brain to read and study and go to school.

I got my labs done. It is sometime weird to watch the nurse pull out a big book and start reading about what Vials they are to use and then they collect one vial from this shelf another from a cabinet and another from over there. It makes you really aware of the testing that they are doing. Its not that normal blood tests...I have a disease!!!! so they have to look me up in the medical books...lol

When I got back home here I took my shot. Now that was number 13. Thirteen has always been a good number in our house. My parents got engaged on the 13th and have been married for over 200 years!!! nah, 36 years - but I was close.

13 to me means that I am one shot closer to my goal of ending this treatment.

As you can tell with my humor I am feeling up in spirits.

It feels Good feeling Good...

Off to do my evening of warming thoughts and beautiful smiles

Shot Day Number Thirteen - One Fourty P.M.

2006-12-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

I've been sleeping like crap the last few days. I wake up every hour. My itching is unbearable. I'm just scratching the surface with complaints...

I feel good today. I have Labs at 2:15 and then when I get home I am doing my shot -Number 13 baby!!

Tonight I have my 2 meetings and then my field trip to Eden Prarie. My friend is coming along. She just popped out a baby a little while ago and he is coming along too.

Doing okay...Just itching along through the day

One Sixteen P.M.

2006-12-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

Moving through with the day. I got rid of my tiredness by sleeping til I could sleep no more. It turns out that 11:30 am was that specific time. I have the whispers of a headache but I am hoping that with some tylenol and my daily caffiene fix, that might end up disappearing.

I'm trying to do some more step work today. Get rid of a lot of shows that I haven't watched lately and work on some drawing. Then this evening I have a meeting to go to. It's been a while since I have been to this thursday night meeting, so I am hoping to feel up to making it there.

Well I can't procrastinate on some of my daily disciplines so I better get to them...

Eleven - O - Two A.M.

2006-12-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little more tired on and on today. I woke up this morning only to lay back down cause I was so tired. Then I woke up again and now I am feeling that worn out feeling again, so much so, that I am sure that I won't make it too much longer without another closing of the eyes.

Side effects: Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Itching Scratch Itching Itching Scratch Itching Itching Scratch Itching Itching Scratch Itching Itching Scratch Itching Itching Scratch.

I take benedryl but when it is during the day like now I am weary of taking it because it makes me tired...

Wait a sec---I already feel tired all the time...I think I will take some benedryl right now..Oh no its going ot make me tired. Lol. I was already planning on laying back down cause I felt tired.

I just love it when You answer your own problems when you speak them outloud...

One Fourty Two P.M.

2006-12-12T11:42:00.000-08:00

Chain-filled Heart
6x8 ink on paper
I might as well apply for a nursing home.I just took a nap and now I am feeling much better. Now all I need is some apple sauce and a straw. A wheelchair and some "Wheel of Fortune" - Yes mom, Get used to it, all the elderly are watching Pat Sajak...
But I love you and I love watching it with you...

It doesn't matter if I have to take a nap. What matters is that I knew and realized my weaknesses and worked around them. I took care of myself and I will have a better night because I did so. I have some laundry and some drawing to do. Then I have an A.A. meeting to gratefully attend.

Stepping through my day.
Living Life and Smiling inside

Ten - O - One A.M.

2006-12-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

Got to bed last night really well and woke up with a 4-5 hour sleep. Had be up anyways this morning to get my dad from the hospital. He had surgery, nothing big-really nothing big at all, he's fine. So I worked on some step work for A.A. and got thru some shows until I got the call to go pick him up. I am now home and tired. Probably just cause of the weather and the lack of excitement going on...I really can't tell cause I feel like this all the time. I'm probably going to take a nap and lay doen for a bit. I have a meeting tonight and I will hopefully make it there. Its been sometime since I made my tuesday night meeting with the way I have felt.

2006-12-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

Off to live my day. I went to sleep at about 1 am and then woke up at 5:30am...I think I am on a sleep only for a few hour schedule again. What ever Schedule I am on, I will take it cause I do not feel exhausted nor do I feel tired. I hardly feel any aches. I am driving spencer to school to see if he was accepted. Then hopefully I will get my lazy ass to the hair cutters'. I've needed one for sometime now but I haven't had the energy to go out and when I did have the energy, All i could do was what was necessary for that day.

I'm off to go breathe in the day...

maybe I will have another fulfilling day.

I will just take it step at a time down this path that I am to follow.

One foot in front of the other.

One moment at a time.

Four Twenty One P.M.

2006-12-10T14:21:00.000-08:00

It sure feels good to feel good again. Walking on eggshells. Wondering when I will feel Uggh again. But I am not overly worrying my brains out. I made it to the meeting and then afterwards went out to Old country Buffet for some fellowship. It felt great to get out of the house and see some of my friends. It felt great to get to a meeting too.

I did feel kind of yuck when I got home but I have been just taking it easy watching a few shows, making sure to relax. I have my journey out to eden prarie tonight to get spencer. I know not to push myself too much but I also know I need to keep moving thru the day. Thankfully I am just feeling exhausted and not too out of it.

I have started to get achy joints again and I need to go take some Tylenol to hopefully help with that.
I hate the feeling of not feeling good and I know Sometimes it begins with the starting of my joints begin to ache...So I better take care of myself before I feel worse

2006-12-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

Feeling much better. Woke up around 6 am and decided to move on with the day. It feels so good feeling good (Of Course). I am going to go to a meeting this morning. Haven't been to one since monday and I really need to get out of the house. I also need to get a hold of everyone that has tried to call me in the last week. I really don't like talking to people when i feel like crap. It really makes no sense to me cause I would be unable to hold a good conversation on the phone feeling the way I have.

My conversation would go as follows:

Me: Hello?
Other person: Hey, how you doing?
Me: I feel Like crap
Other person: Hope you feel better
Me: Me too
Other person: Get Better
Me: THank You, I got to go, I don't feel good
Other person: Take care
Me: Good Bye...
Other person:Good Bye...

So i decide to just leave a message on my voice mail explaining I feel Like crap and let things be. It's not too personal, but atleast I am getting the message out there. Also I really don't feel like doing anything else when I feel the way I have.

I'm going to do a few things and write more later

Distorted Saturday

2006-12-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

NOON
And I still feel like I am sick.

My symptoms are:
heavy head.
headache. (pounding)
Tired (Of Course).
Nauseous (but not throwing up)
I can't write anymore....